The defining moment

I had mine. It was 2.45 am between Monday and Tuesday. I was holding my son in my lap. He was crying. He was hurting. He had a treatment for his cerebral palsy and he had casts in his both feet from hip to toe and he was hurting bad. The casts gave him unbearable pain and I tried to medicate and I tried to help him every way I could and yet he was in pain.

I cried with him. I treated him with reiki. For a moment he fell asleep because he was exhausted, and the next second he was screaming his pain. Then came the moment.
The moment that changed everything. And I mean everything. The world has not been the same since. Everything changed in that split moment. Everything came so clear to me.

I made an decision to take him to ER and make doctors remove the casts. Never again. I will not put him through that pain ever again. There has to be another way. It is my job to find out what that is. I started shaking and took my coat and took my son to car and we left for hospital. Few hours later the casts were off, my son sound a sleep with huge blisters in his feet, the skin was separated form the flesh from large areas. Something had been really wrong with the casts.

Somehow in daylight the decision seems so obvious. Of course I took him to hospital, of course I did, I should have done that earlier. I was too wrapped up in the goals for the treatment, the rules, regulations and all the nonsense around the matter, that I forgot the most important thing. I forgot my son. I don´t know one adult that would undergo what he has been going through with the treatments for CP. Not one.

It was then, when I realized. With that one split second I made the decision, I also made a bigger decisions. I decided to take control. Take control over my life, the lives of my children and their needs. The control cannot be with the doctors or physiotherapists of any team member in this situation. It has to be us the parents. With those decisions I realized that everything is going to change. My children needs me, my focus needs to be on them. All the back and forth I have been doing trying to balance my work and my domestic life came totally irrelevant and I finally heard my inner voice. You ca´n´t fight your calling, and you can´t fight against your lifes mission. It is who you are, and it´s voice needs to be heard.

With all understanding came the huge sense of relief and love. Energy started pouring out and I felt this amazing uplifting feeling and then came peace. Since then I have started to organize things and put them in order. Universe is working with me. I told my boss, she was happy for me. 

I feel empowered. This is my life and I am changing it. My husband is still amazed. He tries the ground his thoughts and turn them in to euros and reality. For me, the path is clear. Yet we are on the same page and doing this together. Our lives are about to change and there are only winners in this situation.

I thank my son for being so brave and showing me which way I need to go.

-Martta